In Memory of CORON

For quiet time tonight (which was while I was driving on my way home), I was thinking about what the priest had said during homily today. “Choose courage over fear.” And as I got off the car, I got the chance to look at the moon and night sky. I felt a familiar feeling of anxiety. FEAR. And all thoughts about today’s homily drifted away.

I remembered CORON.

I remembered how 365 days ago I said it was our make or break vacation. It almost broke us, but we survived and managed to emerge victorious. In fact, it was blissful-- the feeling of being with you and the feeling of being inside our exclusive bubble. There were just us and strangers in an unfamiliar place. Everything was wonderful since then. Or so I thought it was. Too bad we do not exist in a vacuum. And ours was a bubble popped by external challenges.

For the past months I have been rushing into life with the hopes of getting back on my feet. I have been running through busy days, cramming everything before an arbitrary cut-off date. I suppose I was successful. That is until now. I wonder why the universe has been really playful this year? A muddled up situation together with life’s complexities on top of things that were left unsaid. I wonder why things get warped and why did it have to be us with it?

And then some lingering thoughts appear in my mind. Thoughts I expect that would haunt me again tonight. Tonight, I will embrace them like they were a part of me. Come to think of it, yes, they are a part of me. Tonight I will allow the hopelessness and helplessness to linger. But I will be praying for blue skies ahead of us again tomorrow. Together or apart.

Coron. One day, I will appreciate your beauty once again. One day I will have the courage to go back. One day, I will be able to smile as I look back and remember. Maybe one day, I won’t have to try so hard to forget. 

I miss you